I met a friend tonight. We’ve known each other for the longest time. Our brothers are the best of friends but even though they both moved away from Singapore, we still try to meet up once in a while. There’s usually only two reasons when this happen. One, to dance – we both can dance until the club closes and two, which was why we decided to meet up tonight – to exchange emotional CVs.
While we overanalyze our depressing situation – we are both single (she’s going through a very long divorce procedure while I’m just freshly out of a relationship), we wanted to know what is it that we are actually looking for?
Her issue isn’t the fact that she cannot get a man. Her issue is that she can’t seem to hold on to a man. They don’t leave her wanting more other than being a bed partner for the night. As she puts it, “I’m sick of waking up with a different man every other day!” For me though, I just don’t do casual relationships. I set the expectation straight that if I am getting to know a man, it’s because I want to be in a relationship with you. I don’t date. Period. So we’ve established the fact that we want the man but…why?
So, after a long walk, she casually mentioned that the thing that she misses most being in a relationship is not the sex or the hand holding. It’s the companionship.
I agree. The thing that I misses most about S (the ex) is the fact that we can talk until 3am and still have lots more to talk about. We can be sitting on the sofa watching TV, silence all around but will still be comfortable in each other’s company. “I had that with S and that’s what hurts more than not being his girlfriend. It’s not the relationship that I miss, it’s being his companion.” And yes that is true. When I dug deeper into this heart of mine, I realized that even when S and I argued, I will quickly want to make up before the weekend because that’s when I spend the most time with him to just talk and do nothing. The thought of having someone who ‘completes’ you and is comfortable with you is comforting. It’s a safe place to be in. It became a habit that you can’t let go of. It became a real issue when S and I just want to sweep things under the rug so that we can go through the weekend and be each other’s companion.
As I left my friend to get into a cab, the thought came back to me. Is that what women really want? Are we scared of being lonely? Why can’t we get that with other friends? Why must it be with a man? Is it because God created Adam and Eve? I still can’t answer it myself but for my friend and I at least we know that that’s what we really want.