You Made Me Find Myself

Since the ‘Single Awareness Day’ is dawning on us this coming Friday, what better way for me than to thank the person who’ve pushed me to find myself in the first place, thus making me fully aware of my current single status.
Now, I’m not saying that it’s the best feeling on earth to be single or that I am waiting for a guy to sweep me off my feet. At this point in my life, I’m happy with myself and that for me is just good enough. You can be in love for all I know but if you’re not happy with yourself, there’s not a single use for you to be in a relationship. Or if I’m championing feminism and I’m not happy with my well-being, the idea of being a feminist then is useless.

Initially, when it failed, like any other relationships, I was devastated. I didn’t know if I could live or breathe. It’s like my heart was being ripped into pieces and being thrown back at me. Death. The feeling was just that. I thought I was dead.
Slowly, with the help from my family and friends, I began to ‘live again’. I didn’t opt for the conventional way to get better. I didn’t party until 6am nor did I went around with every boy in my phone book. I wasn’t interested to slag him off at every chance that I get. I also didn’t bother to get angry just to get back at him. In fact, I consumed myself with positive people who will make the same impact in my life. After that, everything took a turn for the better. I’ve learnt to laugh again. This time, at myself. I’ve learnt to tell myself that it’s OK to be sad on some nights. I’ve told myself that crying is a way to heal. Yes, some days, I cried when I prayed. I prayed for Him to take away the pain and (as cliche as it sounds) He did. And the best thing of all is that I’ve learnt that giving love and not expecting anything in return is the best feeling of all.

I refocused my life. My happiness is my number one priority. Nothing else comes close. Next, I made the effort to go out with my family and friends more. The more I spend time with them, the more I fell in love with them, again and again. All of them have been there for me through it all and I’m just thankful to have such great people around me. It’s humbling. I also focused more on my career as an outlet which turned out to be spectacular. Overall, I just focused on my welfare and I’m happy to say that I’ve managed to put the past behind me. It’s like what I’ve mentioned in my previous post. I’ve reset it all.

I once have someone old and wise told me, “when you’ve reached the bottom of it all, there is no other way than to just go up”. Then, I didn’t really see it happening until it hits me. When you’ve been down in the dark and deep abyss, eventually when you come up for air, there is nothing better than to just be out. And it feels great to be up again. So to the ex, I’ll say thank you for making me find myself.


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