Catching up with my girlfriends over our group Whatsapp, I realized something that shocked me. 2 of my girlfriend’s dads are suffering from stroke. I would never wish or hope for that to happen to anyone or their family. It’s one of the most stressful sickness for the patient and his/her families.
About 1.5 years back, my dad had a major stroke. It affected his right side. As a result, he couldn’t walk, bedridden, couldn’t speak and he was depressed. He cried every time the family visited him. I remember when the news first broke out. Once I reached the hospital, when dad opened his eyes and look at me, he screamed and cried at how frustrated he was since he wasn’t able to talk. When I got home that night, my ex boyfriend told me to take a nap while waiting for mom and brother come back home. I couldn’t. I cried so hard because I felt that I had let my dad down. I failed as a daughter. I asked God “why” at every point of the way. I was trying so God-damned hard to fix him, fix our relationship and fix this life of mine to include him.
Fast forward to now.
My brother and I sent him for rehabilitation, physiotherapy and got him the best doctors we know. We read up on stroke. Within 8 months, he was able to walk and his speech is improving; not a lot but at least he is able to communicate. I’ve stopped trying to fix things, I broke up with my boyfriend and moved on with life.
I am at peace on the judgement from God. I am fine with whatever fate lies ahead of me. I stopped questioning the will of God and that’s what I’ve told my 2 girlfriends. Whatever happens ahead, they have to accept it.